


The Stars Don't Matter

by moinonplus



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 13:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7441666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moinonplus/pseuds/moinonplus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukuyo is not sure how to convey her feelings, not even inside her own head. All she knows is that Hinowa is important to her, so important she's ready to let Hinowa's dazzling light burn her to the bone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stars Don't Matter

When she was 17, she asked Hinowa to teach her how to make love.

"What for, silly?", she replied. It was on a rare late evening when that man would leave her alone, so she was only wearing a night robe - her oiran attire was abandoned for the time being. Seeing her beautiful, serene face with no heavy make-up on and her hair loose and relaxed was like meeting her for the first time; it was also like witnessing a secret, a nudity of sorts.

Hinowa reached out to Tsukuyo and touched her cheek, gently caressing it, moving her fingers lightly across the edges of her scars as though she was painting them on all over again.

"You're an unfortunate child, but in a different way than the rest of our girls. You don't have to do that to survive. One day you will fall in love with someone and learn it the natural way, but for now..."

"Please," Tsukuyo stood still under her touch. She knew that she could never get enough of it, and that she wanted more, way much more than playing it sisterly. Yoshiwara was not an innocent place, nor a kind one. But it was her world and she knew what its rules are.  
"What a troubled child," she got a reply after a while. Hinowa cracked a smile, and Tsukuyo could read all the sorrow of the world in her expression. It made her sad too, and seemed to have shaken all the determination she has managed to build. When Tsukuyo was about to apologize, get up and shamefully leave, Hinowa kissed her.

They made tender love that night. It was so wonderful, so sensual and so incredibly dull that Tsukuyo left the moment she made sure that her sun is asleep, ran up to her small private room and cried her eyes out until the actual sun rose.

If someone ever asked her what she feels towards Hinowa, Tsukuyo would struggle to answer. It was something deeper than love, or at least the love she knew of; love was nothing short of empty words shyly written on burning paper, as well as broken promises. In some more poetic albeit rare cases love was death - from waiting or punishment, she couldn't tell. Love could also be carnal and crude. Hers couldn't be something as cheap.  
It was something more humane than obsession. Obsession was devouring and destructive, it was cruel, as cruel as Housen, whose obsession Tsukuyo feared. The sole possibility of somehow relating to that terrible man made her sick to her stomach. She hated him, loathed every inch of his existence, and if it turned out that she and him share the same feeling towards the woman who was her everything, Tsukuyo wouldn't hesitate to run off and throw herself into a canal.  
It wasn't idolization either. Tsukuyo knew that Hinowa is made of flesh and blood - she saw both too many times, more than she would like, to be able to deny. Hinowa was perfectly human; she cries at night sometimes when she thinks nobody can hear, she also cries when she's trying to drag her useless feet around, even though Tsukuyo doesn't know if she cries out of frustration or pity for herself. When it happens, though, Tsukuyo cries too - out of anger and hatred.

Tsukuyo is not sure how to convey her feelings, not even inside her own head. All she knows is that Hinowa is important to her, so important she's ready to let Hinowa's dazzling light burn her to the bone.

Sometimes Tsukuyo dreams about killing Housen. Well, sometimes is an underestimation - every time she thinks about Hinowa, which is very, very often. His very existence irks her greatly, but, incidentally, her murderous intent is the strongest when he is not around. She has thought about poisoning him, about slitting his throat in his sleep - he's a light sleeper, she knows, but if she's careful enough... She even thought about challenging him directly, and if she were to die on the spot, then be it; at least she died for a cause.  
All of these vanish into thin air when she actually meets him. He's barely aware of her existence, but each time he nonchalantly throws her a look, her knees start shaking. That man is terrifying, she feels it with her very being, and could crush her with a pinky. Would Hinowa cry for her? Tsukuyo tries to shake this kind of thoughts off before she starts hating herself.

"You're going to get wrinkles at a young age if you frown that much," Hinowa laughed a little, then traced her finger between her own eyes. Tsukuyo obeyed and relaxed her muscles immediately.  
"I don't really care," she replied. She took a last blow, exhaled, then got disposed of the tobacco and placed her kiseru on the table. Hinowa gave it to her as a present a few days ago. "It's elegant and exquisite, it reminds me of you", she said. Tsukuyo blushed a little at the memory.

"You will when you actually get them."  
"How do you know? You don't have any," Tsukuyo looked into her face, puzzled.  
"Oh I do. They're still barely noticeable, though. Don't tell anyone! If the world finds out that the most expensive oiran of Yoshiwara is a wrinkled lady, there could be another war," Hinowa laughed again.  
"I won't. But just so you know, I still like you with wrinkles and all," this time they laugh together.

Tsukuyo held Hinowa's small white hand for what it felt like an eternity until Hinowa disrupted the silence.  
"Do you want me to... teach you how to make love again? Is this why you came?"  
She would have seemed desperate if she didn't have that much control of herself. Tsukuyo sighed and wrapped her hands around Hinowa's shoulders. She could feel her heartbeat - it was calm and monotone, and Tsukuyo felt kind of hurt.  
"You're very important to me," she whispered into Hinowa's ear.  
"I know. Thank you. You're so good to me."  
"I hate him. I want him dead."  
"I know."  
"I'll kill him. Let me kill him. I'll get you out of here after I gouge his eyes out and cook them for breakfast."  
"Tsukuyo..."  
"You're so important to me. I can't let him do this... any of this... to you any more. I..."  
Hinowa cupped Tsukuyo's face with her palms, smiling gently, but not with her eyes.  
"Tsukuyo, you're such a pretty girl. Can you even imagine what he is going to do to you if you attempt to go against him? If you want me, I'm yours. I will always be yours if you want me to. Just don't do it to me. Don't anger him. I already lost Seita, I can't afford losing you."

"Don't leave me" is what she wanted to say, and Tsukuyo wouldn't dare.  
This puny triumph inside her rejoiced, in an alien, wrong way. Tsukuyo never wanted Hinowa to belong to her, but she didn't mind wording it that way. Seeing her scared wasn't new.

"Then, I want to be yours too", she said.

During a lunar eclipse the moon will always turn red.


End file.
